And there you are in a living room, it could be any living room but you’re rather sure it’s yours. You sit down on the sofa because it seems to be the right thing to do and before you know it you are hitting the power button for the remote control the first image on the screen is that of Necrosis apparently digging out in a cemetery cackling with glee! Off to the side two guys standing on a small sort of stage with guitars strum a few notes look at each other and the one on the left comments first.
“Johnson how happy are folks who switched to Glasco Insurance?”
“Happier then Necrosis working as an undertaker!”
The image cuts to a picture of Admiral Dorin wandering about her office as she’s preparing to wage war on something or other and bumbling about. Moments later the sound of an old school phone ringing can be heard and on her desk sits a phone that seems to not be plugged into anything. It takes her moment has she pushes a few books out of the way and as she does one can see the titles ‘time travel for dummies’ ‘Threats 101’ and ‘Frigidity no just for cryostorage anymore!’ Finally Dorin reaches the phone and picks up the receiver placing it up to one ear.
“Who is this!?
“No this is Admiral Dorin!”
“Neo, you can take blue pill and wake up tomorrow with clear sinuses….it’s really Nyquil or you can take the red pill and see how far the rabbit hole goes!”
“What the hell damn kids prank calling me!”
The strange commercial ends with Dorin slamming the phone down and the advert actually being a commercial for the intergalactic do not call list.
Moments later the next commercial is up and it involves a lot of kids running about and frolicking. Moments later some bizarrely trendy jingle starts playing, and the kids are staring in rapt attention at what appears to be a pastry being made. The announcer’s voice cuts in to the scene as the pastry, apparently composed of chocolate cake with an internal white frosting and a coating of sugar on the outside is being made.
“Do you know what time it is?”
The kids all nod excitedly at the question all of them looking a bit unnervingly like addicts waiting for a fix.
“What time is it kids?”
The kids all reply excitedly bouncing about barely able to contain their excitement.
“It’s Drakes Cakes time!”
Suddenly jester appears on the scene giggling like a maniac and tossing the pastries out as he’s dressed like a Debbil Dog pastry himself. Meanwhile the camera pans out to a stunned and creeped out looking Nagaetros mouthing the words “What the fuck is this shit?!”
The screen goes blank for a second or two before it cuts to some choir singing as a cartoon image of clouds parts. Through the gap in the clouds emerges the shows title “The Empire” the large font of the title is in yellow. In the background as the title appears the choir singers are singing its name with a touch of harp music. The image zooms in through the hole in the letter P in empire to show a scene in one of the Immortal Empires war factories where Wizengurd is touring and as several workers fall into a vat of acid he’s distracted by a doughnut he just found in his beard! Moments later it shows all sorts of shenanigans going on through the empire’s territories including the First Prime blowing up waffle houses with a stolen space craft, Myric putting graffiti on the capitol building and a bunch of DCI calveras running a weight loss class. Moments later Homer drives up in a comically tiny vehicle to a depot gets out and is nearly run over by Wizengurd who is driving erratically and cant see due to his beard blocking the front windscreen. As Homer tries out outrun the badly driven car he staggers into the depot. Immediately after the collision Homer trips over Havoc and the two stagger to a couch in the living room with Wizengurd in hot pursuit. Moments later the three are on a comically small red couch and suddenly the Emerald sword walks up from the left glares at all of them and says *HUUUU!* and dives into the overly packed couch some how disappearing into the sofa to appear in the middle. As the theme music comes to a close Homer and the emerald sword give a fist bump and the scene turns to the small TV they are all watching where the last of the show’s introduction credits roll.
The First Prime frowned, at the intro as he changed the station. He pondered briefly how the hell he ended up on any show in the immortal empire’s television net works anyway. Last time he was on that weird show that’s popular in the Union of worlds and now this, he pondered having his publicity agent shot before turning the channel to the galactic History network. A show appeared to have already started as the narrator spoke in deep tones about the subject.
“…And then the Googolian hoards ransacked boofolia and the contrabulan nebula as their great leader Nuhnbawun Khan lead the zerosian hoards across the heart of the galaxy some thirty thousand years ago. The sought conquest, they sought riches, they sought more zeroes….”
At that the first Prime turned the television off in disgust and tossed the remote across the room into a potted plant.
“Ugh…compared to this the reports suddenly don’t seem so bad.”